the citizen-viewer

The VP Debate: This is just about a possible train wreck and that’s unlikely.

Q1. The bailout.

Biden: Focus on the middle class, not corporate America.

Palin: Obviously doing better. Turns to folksy tale. Kids soccer game. Mom and dad. Fear, repeating FEAR. Feds need oversight and reform. McCain is the reformer.

I’m expecting relentless cheap shots at Obama. Hoping Biden rips right back. Not going there yet, though.

B: Hits McCain on “fundamentals”

P: repeats McC’s weak defense that he really meant workers. Palin is part of Team of Mavericks. Ok, shooting at Obama. Too partisan. America wants new energy, lots of gushy excitement about herself. Will it work?

Q. Who is to blame for subprime crisis?

P: Predator lenders. Trying to say she is Mrs. America and connects and we and us and hockey moms and Joe Six Packs. Scolding in a peppy way about personal responsibility.

B: McCain is full of shit and a de-regulator.

I think this is going to be a big yawn. That’s a win for both sides.

P: repeating the Obama tax on $42,000/year earners.

B: McCain voted the same way, de-regulation.

P: I won’t answer the questions the way you or the moderator want to hear. An amazing declaration. The base may like this, but Joe Six Pack is getting pissed. So are the hockey moms. Not answering.

Q. Tax hike on the wealthy, taxing health care?

B: Fairness. McCain blows. You, the middle class, are the engine of growth. “We have a different value set.” Keeping it short.

P: I am going to spew my talking points and I will spew them and and — Small business. Hitting Biden on patriotic taxes remark. Palin says paying taxes is not patriotic. Government is the problem. Let the private sector prosper.

P: On health care plan. Has been briefed. Is not going to answer about the health care tax. Hitting big government. This is the “new idea?”

B: Face it, my briefing was way better than yours, and I can think on my feet. This is going to wear Palin out over the course of the evening. Look for her to goof it up late in the game by getting flustered by Biden taunting her to answer the question.

P: On rescue. Not answering the question. Hitting Obama. Energy plan of 2005. In Alaska, I took on the oil co’s, and Obama is pro-oil.

Moderator: Will you answer the question?

P: No. McCain will keep all of his promises, no cuts to his promises.

B: Why is McCain adding $4B in tax cuts for oil?

Moderator: Mortgage escape?

P: I will not answer. Back to the one thing McCain did, “call for reform” “rear head of abuse”

She likes “rearing heads” (Putin). No answer here either.

Moderator: Climate change.

P: Temperature changes are part of it, indeed! “All of the above approach” Other countries don’t care as much as we do about the climate.

B: Climate change is man-made. If you ignore the cause you can’t find the solution. Facts: we have 3% of world’s oil and consume 25% f the world’s oil. McCain opposes clean energy. Biden promotes nukes and “clean coal” Sure the tooth fairy will solve the budget crisis too. McCain loves oil.

P: “Drill, baby, drill” We have all this great neato stuff and pipelines (we hate government, too, did I tell you?) Drilling drilling. McCain will tap alternative fuels. Palin supports capping carbon emissions.

B: I love clean coal and the tooth fairy. The issue is oil dependence. Kept hammering his point.

Moderator: Same sex benefits.

B: I support same sex benefits, legal equality for gay couples. Clear answer.

P: I oppose anything that undermines traditional definition of marriage. I tolerate gays, sinners that they are. Will we hear the gay is a choice line? I’ve got gay friends. McCain is gay (Cindy is a man). Is “Straight up” about her cultural conservatism.

Mod: Gay marriage?

B: No. Equal rights for gay and straight couples.

P: Dodges Biden on equal rights.

Moderator: foreign policy

P: SURGE- I have an urge to SURGE. Aww shucks, Obama hates our troops. Gosh darned it. Obama is weasel who hates America. No early withdrawal, that would prevent conception. We must stay in I-Rack.

It’s a win for Palin every time she speaks in complete sentences.

B: I didn’t hear a plan. Lays out Obama’s withdrawal and McCain as “odd man out” Not funding the troops? McCain voted against funding the troops. Palin thinking of folksy phrase to talk about how great McCain is. Biden keeps saying “fundamental difference.” We will end war.

P: You want to surrender. “White flag.” We’ll know we’re finished when Iraq can govern its people and our commanders will tell us that. You said Obama had stinky pants. Obama cut off funding for troops.

Palin has at least the snark quotes to dig Biden.

B: I’ve had an eyelift, but I’m not getting rattled. Handling the whole little lady thing well.

Mod: Nukes and the Middle East.

B: McCain on terror is full of it. The front is Afghanistan and Pakistan. Support stability in Pakistan.

P: I won’t answer the nuke question. Petraeus says so, so nyah nyah and al quaeda. “Nukular” it’s a red state dig. I-Ran: get tough. What if Iran got nuclear power, as well as Nukular power? The preconditions. See McCain last debate Dog not hunting for big john, won’t for you either. Biden will slam.

Mod: Engaging enemies?

Palin: I met with Kissinger he shared his passion with me. (Whoa!) They hate our freedoms. Reminds me of Bush, he’s at 26% approval. She is spewing the hate line clearly. So she gets points for being poised.

Biden: On Iran, McCain is wrong. Number two talk with leaders is what everyone says, including Obama. Spain, interesting.

Mod: Palestine, that’s a toughie.

Palin: Two state solution. Israel we love ya. I Ran and O Bam A. Building an embassy in Jerusalem. Israel is a peace-seeking nation.

Biden: I’m Israel’s best friend. BFF, in fact. But, Bush’s policy has been an abject failure. Bush’s f-ups. Hamas elections. Let Hezbollah get into Lebanon gov’t. Bush has helped Iran. And he’s making sense.

Biden is good on atmospherics, emphatic but not angry.

Palin: Bush has not been an abject failure. Isn’t it great that we love Israel, those gosh darned Jews. My Minister said they could switch teams, ya know. Lets stop the blame game. Too much darned finger pointing. Reform of government.

Platitude time. Running off the rails a bit here with the maverick thing.

Biden: I haven’t heard anything about how McCain is going to be different from Bush. He’s reigning down hammer blows. Blood spurting.

Mod: When do you use nukes?

P: Don’t let other people use them. We use nukulars as a deterrent. I love the surge.

B: Taking on the surge bullshit. Good Joe. Very good Joe. We spend more on Iraq in 3 weeks than total bill for Afghanistan. Back to nukes, he calls them “nuclear”, the elitist prick. McCain voted no nuclear test ban. Obama worked on nuclear proliferation.

P: Taking Biden on on Afghanistan. Making some points, not backing off.

B: I stick to my line. McCain has taken eye off the ball.

Moderator: Interventionist record of Biden. Is it good?

B: Yes, if we succeed. Bosnia. Clarifying on Iraq.

Palin likes to grin and smirk when Biden is talking. You are sucking out loud but are so into projecting cockiness you can’t do anything else. It only works if the viewer has the sound off.

P: You voted for the war and now you’re opposed it. For and against it. Will Biden attack her? Now she’s onto the Alaska slush fund and divesting from Sudan. This is better than Couric.

B: We should draw a line on when to intervene and it’s about success and genocide and terror as the invadables. I never supported McCain and Cheney. Palin is lying about me. Keeps slamming McCain, not Palin.

That’s the right move but I’d like him to rebut her directly. Even though it’s bad strategy.

P: You can lie all you want. Pundits will check your record.

Don’t ask for fact checking, Palin.

Mod: heartbeat away, what would you do?

B: Litany of Obama’s plans and contrast with Bush and McCain.

P: Same for me, follow through on McCain. Bad question just ask for closing statements if you want to ask this. Palin promises Wasilla working class common sense. Lets go to the record. My foes are tax raising losers.

B: Are you happy with Bush, and does McCain differ from him? Good one. People get it.

P: Stop talking about Bush. What, did he resign? I love school teachers. (WTF? What’s this got to do with anything? It’s education free jazz time.) Screw context, this one came up on the flash cards and I’m gonna read it, gosh darned it.

Mod.: What do you think the VP will do?

P: You’re lame. I’d like more authority as VP! Cheney, he’s popular, right? Won’t mention Cheney. I’ll lead on energy and government reform and special needs children, who I can outwit.

B: Education, I’ll spear you if you give me a minute or two. On the VP, my record, point person on legislation for Obama, sensible. I don’t want a portfolio. I’ll help him govern, advise, not rule.

Mention Cheney, please! Didn’t do it. Missed a softball.

Mod.: Cheney. Oh yes, Ifill proves she’s untrustworthy to Republicans, mentions “more power.”

P: What the—? Says she likes the fourth branch argument. I agree with Cheney. Founders envisioned it that way. My record as an executive will be put to good use.

B: Cheney is the most dangerous VP in history. (You hit it.) Gets to Constitution. Primary role is not to be Darth Vader. The emperor is the emperor, gosh darned it. Look what’s happened with Cheney. He smashed it.

Mod.: Achilles’ heels, experience for Palin, discipline for Biden. Is this true?

P: My experience. Heartland, I’m a mom from Alaska, just like you. I also inhale oxygen, just like you. I connect. I share a worldview with McCain. America is a “shining city on a hill.” Wandering and clock killing. Motherhood and red white and blah blah fucking blah. Can she drink a cup of STFU?

Biden: Answers the question. I’m not going to change, see my record. Talks about his record. Better segue into his own filibuster, but it’s he same. Now he’s going to the I connect story. Kitchen table he’s been there too. Oxygen is also something he inhales. Admits to being better off. Gets emotional, good, chokes up on fatherhood, don’t tell me I’m not as hokey as you. Good stuff.

P: McCain the maverick. Bland bullshit on nonpartisanship. McCain Maverick, has Lieberman and a bunch of hard right fuckwads who support him. We have not got to allow partisanship that’s been entrenched, change is coming. Dems have been in charge for 2 years.

B: McCain is no maverick on the things that matter to people. Palin has been unable to whack Obama the last few go arounds. Biden now rebutting. Taking the bat to McCain’s knees. Takes on the main premise of McCain’s campaign.

Mod.: When have you changed a long held view?

B: Clarence Thomas and Robert Bork.

P: Had to compromise on budget. But on principle I’ve never compromised because we’re bipartisan. Illogical claim.

Mod.: How do you change the tone on partisanship?

Biden: Be respectful, question judgment not motive.

Palin: You do what I did. Appoint without a party test. Walk walk, even with my own family I’ve got people who disagree with me, indeed. Now in my bipartisan answer I’m going to attack my rivals. You build infrastructure and reign in spending. Really she said that. The other guys are tax and spend liberals, genius, brilliant.

Closing time:

P: Thanks. No filter of mainstream media, which has been playing video of me being a moron. We’re fighters who will fight. We are blessed. And I’m proud to be an American, stand up! Freedom means fighting and handing it to the next generation. We’ll spend our sunset years telling about the old days of freedom. Only McCain has fought for you.

B: This is the biggest election of your life. The last eight years have sucked the sewer pipe. Fund A mental change is needed. Progress measured by middle class, mortgage, college, protecting vets. America is about hard work and honesty and achievement. That’s the America we spooge over. God bless.