the citizen-viewer

Now, a word about our investments. It’s clear banks aren’t exactly the safest place for our savings. The citizen-viewer’s advice is to run on those banks, and run hard. Take your money out while you still can — it’s first-come first-served and let the devil take the hindmost — and put it somewhere safe.

Invest wisely. The dollar’s going down the tubes, so consider euros, or renminbi. Gold should be divided up; store most in a cache in the basement and sew the rest into the hems of your clothing.

And here’s the insider tip: guns. Not gun companies, citizen-viewers, guns. Get ’em while you can!

But you want to diversify. A smart portfolio might look something like this:

• Guns: 30%
• Canned and dried food: 15%
• Generator: 15%
• Water purification system: 10%
• Water containers: 5%
• Sand bags: 5%
• Liquor: 10%
• More guns: 10%

You’ll thank the citizen-viewer. Enjoy the 21st Century!